POEM: CANCER

This was a picture I took of my dad on the last time we visited Sicily together which was in 2016. We went to Porto Palo and he climbed up on the rocks by the port and had a silent moment to himself. I remember hearing him cry from a distance… and I also remember my heart breaking knowing there was nothing I could do.

This is a poem I wrote a while back while my dad was still alive.

CANCER

HIM…
The word cuts through like razor blades. It eats you up from the inside out. Kills & spreads it poisonous venom viciously without discriminating, taking whoever it latches onto like death slowly trying to pull you down into its lovely world of despair.
Just the word shatters worlds… travelling supersonic & transporting your mind into another dimension only  to return back to reality with a huge bang & apparently a few unwanted cancer cells.
Injecting poison to kill poison.
Watching death slowly kill parts of life. Cells multiply, darkness spreads.

It wants to take your hair, dignity, body, your mind & finally your hope, your motivation for… life

Strength. I can only imagine the strength he finds daily to wake up every morning to fight.. to live through The PAIN.
The moments of sadness and despair that slowly began to show on his face.
ANGER.. angry at the world…angry at how your body let you down… how dare it turn against you.
I’m sure there’s thoughts of ‘Is a life of not living worth living at all?’. The frustration of feeling your half the person you once were.

HER..
Smiles & acts of love. What your prepared to do for the ones you love.. Cancer
It’s ugly, it’s nasty. It doesn’t just effect the one poisoned with it.
It ripples its way through families. Wives, sons & daughters.
A pyramid of love and strength you hold on to each other. Compassion, patience & humility.. When one falls you step in.

In a locked toilet or busy tube…
Tears frequently flow releasing sadness, frustration & anger. Only to be replaced with more sadness, frustration and anger.
Exhaustion. Breakdowns.
The constant mantra. BE STRONG. You can not fail, crumble or fall.
It’s a lonely time… the loneliest.
Only in the darkness can you see the ones who come to FIND YOU in the dark. When you start to step back & disappear. The few & special ones who take out minutes of their day, the unselfish ones, kind hearted souls, to say a simple. ‘how are you?’ ‘your in my thoughts’. I see your small, huge gestures of kindness.

Words of kindness frm unexpected people,
And sometimes none at all from the ones you do…
Your eyes open. To a world you never saw before. Oh humanity…

Now we fight to live.